The Other F Word

friend .. (frnd)

n.....

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.....

2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.....

3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.....

4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement....

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When meeting someone you automatically classify them in a group. This is often developed in your self conscience and one may not be fully aware of what category you have classified a person in until it is thrust into your face. Some of these meetings can be incredibly clear, even at first glance: girlfriend/boyfriend material, pleasant colleague, casual acquaintance, enemy, etc. Some are not clear, like the “friend” guy or girl.....

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So what happens when a person says friend, and doesn’t mean it, but the other feels a strictly platonic bond? ....

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Friendship is the mutually cooperative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them.....

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This definition of friendship is taken from Wikipedia and nowhere does it say that in friendship that the parties involved will partake in sexual activities. I have found that people who are afraid to ask for what they want often refer to new people (in the sex of their interest) in their lives as friends. Saying such things as “You’re such a good friend,” “You’re like my best friend,” this is the kiss of death. You can NOT advertise your new budding relationship as friendship if you want more; it’s like leading someone on, they think they are getting one thing and getting something totally different. You can not promise to be loyal and have respect for someone if you are busy trying to deceive them into falling for you. ....

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YOU MUST BE UPFRONT, once you announce a friendship - you are a friend and expected to act as one. Now I know that sometimes you may wake up from a dream where you have “enjoyed” your friend a little too much and start to see them in a different light - this happens but that’s not what I’m talking about. I am strictly talking about those individuals who deceive for fear of rejection. Really, all you are doing is setting yourself up for a purely sadomasochistic relationship. ....

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I have had men in my life where I have thought they were great friends, we did everything together, had long conversations, and seemed to have unlimited commonalities until I started dating someone. Then, the person I thought would never leave me because they were such a great “f” word was gone. I guess without the possibility of sex I was way less interesting. ....

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This is the worst betrayal. Losing a friend is sometimes harder then losing someone you have been dating. You expect more from a friend. ....

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If you are the person who drops the “f” word and doesn’t mean it and then gets mad when that person sees you as a friend - what right do you have to be angry and disappear? You are in the wrong - you have been deceiving the person from day one and get angry when they don’t reciprocate feelings they didn’t know were there. ....

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I think it would be easier if you took the rejection then to wait and build more feelings for that person just to be shot down and then spend your time crying about how awful they were to you (remember when I said sadomasochistic?). They weren’t awful, they were honest and you are a fraud! Besides, maybe you wouldn’t get rejected, maybe with honestly comes a great relationship because once you get in the friend zone you will forever be solidified in their brain as a friend